Where I need you to chime in is about the family pictures around the house, most of which include her husband.
Our relationship has grown quickly, probably because we’re both 58 and know what we want in a relationship. We are talking about moving in together and possibly getting a new home.
Yet, I’m thinking she hasn’t fully let go and truly ready to move on. She has asked me if the family pictures bothered me and I responded that this is her children’s home. I love hearing success stories of finding love the second time around.
I guess I’m feeling that if she is ready to move on, she should be putting me first and replacing or removing his things in a few of these places. And yet, dating a widow can present a host of issues.
And while you understand her need to have some family photos, you’re not okay with so many of them, (especially the screen saver). I spent most of my life struggling with the right words to say when my feelings were hurt.
I wanted to tell the truth, but my words came out all wrong.
I realize this is where her children where raised, and her husband was taken from her. While I’m okay with some photos of her late husband, my heart aches at seeing him as a screen saver on her computer or his nameplate on her desk.
At what point can I expect her to change these things or put them away? I feel she is trying to hang on to some of those memories, which I can understand to a degree. Can I gently ask her to change or remove some of these items?
“Ultimately, it’s about choosing to live your life.” Jackie Dishner, grandmother to three toddlers and author of Backroads & Byways of Arizona, writes from Phoenix, Arizona, mostly about food & wine, lifestyle and travel.
I love that you’re sensitive and don’t want to hurt her feelings or push her away. That means asking if it’s a good time to talk about something important to you. It’s uncomfortable to have these types of conversations.
If she didn’t sense your uneasiness, she wouldn’t have asked if you were uncomfortable with his photos. Assure her that everything is fine, but without checking in, you won’t have her full attention. But the more you practice speaking up when your feelings are hurt, the more authentic and intimate your relationship will be, and the easier these types of tough conversations will be in the future.
So when I learned about Carlson’s success with her support network, I decided to ask her to share some tips about how you can make dating your next healthy choice: Tip #1: Let yourself be complete and whole “It’s easy to jump right into a new relationship,” she says, “but if you want to attract a healthy relationship, it starts with being healthy yourself.” You deserve the time to heal, no matter how long it takes.
Six years after the death of her beloved husband, Carlson, has yet to remarry and says she’s just now “starting to warm up to the idea.” Tip #2: Let the first relationships you have be the transitions that they are “My first encounter [after Richard] was a healing relationship,” she says.