But when they’re in a dark space, they're unable to see things from your perspective.Trying to show your partner how wrong they are, and that they’re actually incredible, comes from your love for them and your desire to help.You can’t “fix” the depression any more than I can fix my partner’s Crohn’s disease.When you offer care in hopes of helping to treat (or fix) your partner’s illness, you will become frustrated.Unfortunately, it’s a waste of your energy when they’re deep in depression, and actually leads to disconnection and distance.This way of attempting to help can easily lead to arguments because your partner is unable to agree or see your efforts as helpful.
It can be difficult to resist arguing about how they view themselves and their lives.It may be as simple as giving them a hug or holding them. When we offer this kind of care, we join our partner in their suffering.To do this, you will have to learn to be OK with the discomfort that comes with seeing a problem and not trying to fix it. It isn’t their fault that they can’t just shake it off.Instead of fighting depression this way, devote yourself to learning how to live with depression. It means letting them have negative, painful beliefs, even when you really want them to see things differently.You can stop trying to treat their depression and instead offer empathy, care, and love.